


With Love, Your Secret Admirer

by 3dnygma



Category: The Muppets (2011), The Muppets (TV 2015), The Muppets - All Media Types
Genre: Comedy, Flashbacks, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Kermit/Fozzie (supporting), Kermit/Walter (one-sided), M/M, Misunderstandings, Past Relationship(s), Secret Admirer, Valentine's Day, Walter and Scooter are the focus here: the rest of the cast is supporting, Walter's POV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-13
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-17 18:15:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29354832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/3dnygma/pseuds/3dnygma
Summary: Walter receives an anonymous letter on Valentine’s Day (which is maybe-probably-most-definitely from Kermit) and asks Scooter for help.
Relationships: Scooter/Walter (Muppets)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 16





	With Love, Your Secret Admirer

**Author's Note:**

> Dedicated to the Muppet Anarchists groupchat on twitter for getting me into this pairing in the first place! Have fun reading it everybody :) 
> 
> (disclaimer: both Walter and Scooter are big dumbasses in this)

_ For a long time, Walter didn’t quite understand his fascination with Kermit the Frog. _

_ On one hand, he knew that staying up with Gary until 2am and watching endless reruns of The Muppet Show brought him immense joy. With every announcement of that episode’s guest star, he would mouth Kermit’s exact words, attempting to imitate the frog’s mannerisms and get the timing just right. And each time, he kept the volume of his voice low, so as to not overshadow the frog – although his brother Gary probably would have been okay with that disruption. _

_ Yes, Walter was very confident that he liked Kermit. A lot. _

_ On the other hand, “liking” somebody could take on all shapes and sizes – and Walter spent quite a lot of time wondering which one of those categorizes best described his feelings towards Kermit. Whenever Gary commented that he wanted to be like Kermit someday, Walter agreed with excitement. Whenever their neighbour Gertrude would stop by for coffee and jokingly refer to Kermit as the boys’ “other uncle”, Walter would gladly play along. And when a bunch of upperclassmen once saw his Kermit watch and called him by unknown words that felt like insults, Walter felt incredibly hurt, yet could not bring himself to say anything in return. _

_ One thing that Walter at least knew for certain was that he got unreasonably angry whenever Miss Piggy continued to annoy or mistreat Kermit on TV. He knew that Kermit deserved someone much kinder in his life. Someone who was a good listener, someone who was humble, … or someone who was so dedicated to him that they had an entire room full of Muppets merchandise dedicated to him and his friends (just to name a few examples). _

_ In the end, Walter was the only one looking for answers behind this ongoing obsession. And he did not find those answers until his late teenage years, when Gary and his friends started talking about the kinds of girls that they were going out with – all the while Walter was still stuck in the same place, his eyes fixated on the TV screen. _

***

After the very much enlightening flashback about his closeted childhood, the date shifted to February 14 th several years in the future – Valentine’s Day!

Much like previous Valentine’s Days, Walter was expecting to spend it at home. If everything went according to plan, he’d decorate his bedroom with romantic candles and rose petals, watch The Muppets Valentine Special… and would ultimately regret those choices because he had nobody to actually watch the special with. Afterwards, he’d send Gary and Mary a kind text (as they’d probably be too busy for a call that night) and would go to bed early with a sense of perpetual dread at the back of his mind. Perfect.

But before all of that, he’d be observing all the couples at work, wishing that he’d have what they had. And he’d swallow those negative emotions, instead overshadowing them with an over-exaggerated smile. In order to do something kind for those who might feel similar to him, Walter would bring his homemade muffins and offer them to everybody at Muppet Studios – but he’d make sure to avoid Mean Carl until the very end, because he’d probably swallow the entire tray…by which he meant  _ literally _ swallow the entire tray. In short, it would be a slightly depressing day – but a predictable one. And it’d be over much quicker than expected.

And so he entered the office, carrying the tray and performing his annual routine. Afterwards, he headed to his desk, right between Lew Zealand’s and Fozzie’s semi-abandoned workplaces, only to open his drawer and discover-

….an envelope?

_ No, a pink envelope with a piece of chocolate attached to it. _

He quickly took a seat and started observing it. The handwriting was small, written with a black pen, and simply said:  _ With Love, Your Secret Admirer _ . That surely was going to shake up his annual Valentine’s routine – not that Walter minded it.

He put the chocolate aside for now and grabbed the nearest pen to open the envelope. The letter itself was written on bland white paper, but a bunch of hearts were added to elevate its cuteness ever so slightly.

_ I’m Head over Heels _

_ And wish that you knew _

_ How happy it makes me _

_ To spend each day with you! _

__

_ Happy Valentine’s Day, dear Walter. Enjoy your treat! _

He took a proper look at the chocolate and could not believe his eyes. Milk chocolate with tiny pretzel pieces – his favourite kind! Sadly, that flavour was not particularly easy to come by, so he hardly ever mentioned it to others.

That meant somebody had taken the time to pick up that trivial information, look for that very specific flavour of chocolate, and write an accompanying poem – only to remain anonymous out of all things. If only they had signed with their actual name or had given some sort of indication-

“Hey, what’s that?” a voice from behind asked.

“Scooter!” Walter turned around in his office chair, a wide grin covering his face. “Somebody actually gave me a Valentine’s card! Can you believe that?” He then continued to proudly show off the letter and as if he was holding a bunch of $100 bills.

“Gee Walter, that’s great! Do you…I don’t know…have any idea who sent it?”

“Nope, no clue. But they must know me pretty well – they also gifted me my favourite kind of chocolate.”

“You mean Tony’s Chocolonely 42% dark milk chocolate with pretzels and toffee?”, Scooter asked with surprising speed.

“Uh… yea, exactly! But I only remember mentioning that to a handful of people, back at last week’s pitch meeting for Tonight with Miss Piggy.”

“But that’s something, right?” Scooter insisted. “Not everybody was at that meeting, so that certainly limits your choices.” He paused, fixing the collar of his jacket. “It won’t be too hard to find them.”

Walter chuckled. “Yeah, but it’s not  _ that _ easy, Scooter. Obviously we were presenting a pitch together, but there were also Yolanda, Pepe, Piggy, and …  _ HOLD ON _ …”

Suddenly Walter started shaking and his mouth dropped open, with no closure in sight. He sank lower into his chair, ready to drop on the ground any second – which was fine. He tended to do that sometimes.

Scooter bent down. “Walter, are you alright-“

_ “KERMIT! HE WAS THERE TOO!” _ Walter suddenly screamed, only to wake out his initial state of shock and quickly lower his voice again.  _ “Scooter, what if Kermit wrote the letter?!”,  _ he whispered.

Scooter frowned. “Eh, I don’t know, Walter. Denise only just broke up with him – and I’m not sure he’d suddenly return the feelings of the guy who had a crush on him in middle school… Also, why are you whispering?”

“Middle school  _ and _ high school.” Walter quickly corrected him, begrudgingly raising his voice to speaking volume again. “Besides, it could only be him! No offense to Yolanda, Pepe and Piggy … but they don’t really seem like the type of person to remember someone’s obscure taste preferences.”

Scooter could not disagree with that logic. Still, he insisted. “But, uhm, are you sure that you’re not forgetting anybody?”

Walter stopped to consider that thought for a second, then shook his head. “Nope, that should be everybody.”

Scooter sighed. “Alright, let’s take a minute to assume that Kermit  _ did  _ send you that letter. What’s the best way to go about this? Ask him while you’re still unsure– or wait for another sign, maybe one that’s more obvious?” He placed his hand on Walter’s shoulder. “I know a part of you wants Kermit to be the one behind this … but he’s also your  _ boss _ and going through a heartbreak at the moment.”

Walter bit his lip, nodding. Sometimes Scooter simply knew him too well. “I guess you’re right. It really could be anybody … and if I asked Kermit upfront, that could be pretty awkward.”

“Exactly! Now you’re-”

“So I’m going to wait for another sign and THEN ask him out!”

“…Sure, why not?” Scooter chuckled, then leant his arm against Walter’s desk. “Anyway, do you have any special plans for tonight?”

Walter nodded. “Oh, you know, just the usual. Relaxing at home, watching the Muppets Valentine Show, maybe ordering Takeout if I feel like it. What about you?”

“Well, my mom and  _ Ken _ are off to some romantic retreat out of town, so I’ve got the place pretty much for myself.”

“So we’re both going to spend Valentine’s Day by ourselves?” Walter asked.

Scooter nodded excitedly. “What a coincidence, right? Just the two of us…all by ourselves…with nothing better to do…”

Walter let out a brief laugh. “Yeah, funny coincidence!”

A mutual pause.

“Well, see you tomorrow then.”, Walter continued. “And happy Valentine’s Day, Scooter!”

Finally, he sat down once more and started working.

***

Except for the letter at the back of his mind, Walter’s day went just about as expected. Eventually, the rose petals on his bed had been spread and Walter was staring at his TV, munching on a slice of pizza. More specifically, a pizza that he didn’t have to share it with anybody – yet another perk that being single provided.

It was right during Kermit’s sketch and song number “Froggy Went a Courtin’” when Walter’s phone rang: a message from Scooter. Not wanting to leave his friend hanging, Walter picked up the phone right away.

_ Scooter: so #1 Muppet Fan, how’s the special going? _

_ Walter: good, Kermit’s about to get ditched by the mouse _

_ Scooter: oh so your “secret admirer” is actually being ditched? geez _

_ Walter: RIGHT? that part was so frustrating to me as a kid . imagine dumping KERMIT THE FROG…didn’t stop me from watching it all over again though _

_ Scooter: same it’s one of my favourite parts!! _

_ Walter: okay but that special was filmed before you joined the Muppets! _

_ Scooter: exactly! I watched it as a fan _

_ Walter: for real ? _

_ Scooter: why do you think I joined the Muppets in the first place? I LOVED Kermit’s interviews on all those Late Night shows. and then my uncle showed me the two pilots and told me that they’d be shooting the show at his theatre. _

_ Scooter: that’s when I knew I had to get involved!! didn’t care what the job was, just knew that I wanted to be a part of whatever they were doing _

_ Walter: aww _

_ Walter: that’s so sweet _

_ Scooter: yes :) _

_ Walter: … so the love for Kermit made you do it ;D? _

_ Scooter: … I guess you could say that o_o _

_ Walter: AJSHDG _

_ Scooter: glad that my embarrassing crush on Kermit is helping you cope tonight _

_ Walter: I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU HAD A CRUSH ON HIM _

_ Scooter: and you thought he sent you a love letter earlier today sooo … :3 _

_ Walter: alright…valid _

_ Scooter: anyways gtg soon, we should really watch the special together sometime _

Walter paused, thinking about the possibility of spending an evening with Scooter. Solid fan jokes, relaxing company, maybe even pizza for two … Truth be told, he had wanted Scooter to visit his apartment for a while now; yet he had always felt too nervous to ask him upfront.

Besides, Walter certainly wouldn’t feel the nervousness that often haunted him in Kermit’s presence if he spent more time with Scooter. Quite the opposite, actually.

_ Walter: you know what? I’d love that :) sleep well Scooter _

_ Scooter: you too Walter <3 _

When his eyes looked back at the screen, the 25 minute special had already progressed quite a bit. If his mind hadn’t gone to other places, he might have considered skipping back to the beginning.

Instead, he simply allowed the episode to come to an end.

Afterwards, Walter turned off the TV, cleaned his room, and got ready for bed. For the most part, it had been a Valentine’s Day just like any other.

… Only that Walter did not feel any kind of dread when going to sleep that night.

***

__

_ The TV was still running when Mary entered their humble home – punctual, as always. She was wearing a dark blue skirt, a yellow blouse and a denim jacket that had once belonged to her older sister. Much to her surprise, Gary had put in an effort to wear his best fit. Without his basketball shorts, he only looked like a  _ slightly _ confused teenager. _

_ The two young lovebirds started their greeting ritual as per usual: welcome kisses, compliments, and at least three “I love you”s. _

_ Mary was the first one to break that sheer endless cycle of romantic affection. “Jessie will be meeting us at the diner. Is Walter ready?” _

_ “I think he should be by now”, Gary replied. “Let me check in on him … I’ll only be gone for a minute, okay?” _

_ Mary sighed, blushing. “Okay, I’ll miss you…” _

_ Gary looked at her lovingly. “I’ll miss you too, honeypie…” Then, he quickly rushed off to the living room. _

_ “Come on Walter, we’ve got to- Wait…Walter, you can’t wear  _ that _ on a date!” _

_ The brother in question was, in fact, wearing sweatpants and sitting on the couch, watching TV. _

_ Walter seemed to look just as confused as Gary. “What do you mean?” _

_ “Are you serious?”, Gary asked. “The double date with me, Mary and Jessie tonight?” _

_ Walter paused for a second. “….Nope, doesn’t ring a bell. But look, there’s this Kermit interview coming up soon and it’s starting in less than five minutes. I’ll be there next time.” _

_ “Dude, you promised you’d come!” _

_ Walter remained seated on the couch. “Look, I’m sorry. But I’m sure that Jessie will have a splendid time without me.” _

_ Gary decided to position himself between the TV and Walter, who was still trying to catch a glimpse of the ad-break. _

_ “Alright, let me tell you something. Jessie’s been into you for weeks now – and she’s so excited to go on that date with you tonight!” _

_ Mary, who seemed to have caught up on their conversation, quickly peeked into the living room. “And she’s just gotten her braces removed!” _

_ Gary nodded in agreement. “See? Besides, if it doesn’t go well, Mary and I will still be there!” _

_ “I really appreciate the offer, guys”, Walter replied. “But it’s still not happening. Feel free to say hi from me, though.” _

_ Gary increasingly struggled to hide his annoyance. “And what if you just taped the interview?” _

_ Walter stopped to consider that thought for a second. Yes, he could tape the interview and go on the double date. But going on a date meant buying drinks (or in their underage case, milkshakes) for a girl, flirting with her…and ultimately ruining her evening because he would be unable to return her feelings. _

_ Meanwhile, staying at home meant safety. Nobody to judge him or have any unrealistic expectations set upon him. No need to pretend to be somebody that he simply wasn’t. Just him…and Kermit on a TV screen. _

_ Gary, meanwhile, kept going. “Come on Walter, you can’t just dump this girl over some dumb TV interview!” _

_ “It’s not just some dumb interview!”, Walter cried out. _

_ That was it. He would remain firm in his decision. _

_ “Sorry, Gary…But I’m not going.” _

_ Walter wasn’t sure how he wanted his brother to react. Starting an argument? Calling off the date and comforting his brother? Telling Walter that he should  _ just for once in his life _ focus on what was in front of him instead of chasing some unrealistic celebrity fantasy? _

_ Instead, Gary simply mumbled, “Well, have a good one, then.” and left. Mary followed without saying a word, although Walter could feel her worried glances. _

_ After they were gone, Walter took a closer look at his Kermit watch. _

_ It was 5:59 pm. The interview was just about to start. _

***

Walter spent the morning after Valentine’s Day far away from his cubicle, mainly by performing smaller errands for the other Muppets. Afterwards, he and Scooter had yet another pitch meeting to attend, this time with the writers and Miss Piggy present. Overall, it had gone pretty well, given the … regular muppety circumstances that a meeting with Piggy, Pepe, Rizzo and Gonzo entailed. 

Scooter and Walter partly owed it to having their presentation prepared several days in advance; and yet an actual rehearsal process was barely needed at this point in their collaboration process. If they wanted, they could decide on a random topic ten minutes in advance, and still deliver a phenomenal presentation. In terms of timing, gestures, and attitude, they simply …  _ got _ each other. And to Walter, who vividly remembered chickening out of his Muppets debut several times, sharing a stage with Scooter felt like the most natural thing in the world.

After the meeting, Scooter was needed backstage, eventually parting ways with Walter until they would meet again for their lunch break shortly after. In the end, Walter only reached his desk much later than planned, not really expecting any major surprises there.

But this time, the envelope in his drawer was  _ green. _

… That didn’t mean anything specific, though.  _ Right? _ Lots of his co-workers were commonly associated with the colour green: Dr. Bunsen Honeydew, Crazy Harry, Dr. Teeth … It  _ really _ could be anybody!

He took the envelope, quickly opened it, and-

_ Hi-ho and happy belated Valentine’s Day, my love! Thank you for always being there for me in these tough times and for blessing me with your sheer enthusiasm. Finally, we can take this journey together and….move right along, haha! See you later <3 _

_ Yours truly, _

_ Kermit _

__

Walter took a deep breath.

_ Dear god KERMIT ACTUALLY WAS HIS SECRET ADMIRER! _

This time, there was no present attached, but that didn’t stop Walter from spiralling. Kermit was his admirer, and thus the one who had given him that chocolate. Which meant that Kermit was  _ definitely _ romantically interested in him.  _ And _ he wanted to meet Walter later today. Was this actually happening?

Suddenly “ _ See you later _ ” was way too early for Walter’s liking. Yesterday, his feelings for Kermit were still one-sided remains of a teenage crush – and today, he was closer to going on a date with Kermit than he ever could have imagined. What once felt like an idealized dream had suddenly become a rather terrifying reality. If Walter didn’t take that chance, he’d regret it for the rest of his life.

Once again, his thought process was interrupted – this time by Yolanda heading up to his desk.

Walter held the letter behind his back and let out an awkward chuckle. “Heyyyy Yolanda….what’s up? Everything okeydokey … down at Kermit’s office … where you work … as his assistant?”

The rat sighed. “Look, Kermit wants to meet’cha at his office at two, can ya make it?”

Walter started laughing, his eyes stricken with fear. “OfcourseIcanmakeitwhywouldn’tI!”, he screamed, eventually calming down and adding, “Did he mention … I don’t know … any particular reason why he wants to see me?”

Yolanda did not say anything, but her expression clearly spelled:  _ Do I LOOK like I know why? _

So Walter dropped it. “Alright, uh … thanks Yolanda! I’ll be there.”

“Sua. See ya, Walter.”

And with that, she was gone.

Walter took a proper look at his watch – 12:57pm. Their lunch break was going to start in less than five minutes – which would leave him with at least some time to get a small, belated Valentine’s Day present. Flowers might be nice, but which ones would do the trick? He needed help – and emotional support.

_ Walter: SCOOTER CAN YOU MEET ME AT THE FLOWER SHOP TWO BLOCKS AWAY _

_ Walter: PLS SCOOTER IT’S AN EMERGENCY _

__

The other Muppet replied within seconds.

__

_ Scooter: sure! just give me five minutes <33 _

Walter, meanwhile, frantically packed his things and rushed out of the office, still carrying the green envelope in his hand.

On his way outside, he briefly bumped into Fozzie, who seemed to be heading towards his desk right next to Walter’s – which rarely ever happened, given that he usually didn’t have much paperwork to do as Piggy’s sidekick.

“Hey Walter, watcha got there?”, the Bear inquired, briefly examining the envelope.

“NOTHING!” Walter shrieked and ran away.

***

Walter was whistling a familiar tune of lovers and rainbows while waiting in front of the flower shop. He did not have to wait long, though, as Scooter had made sure to come as quickly as possible, which Walter deeply appreciated.

Nevertheless, the orange Muppet was slightly out of breath.

“So, Walter”, Scooter stated, taking a short pause to recollect himself. “Why are we here? To get some flowers …” He winked. “… For your secret admirer?” Another wink.

Walter cheered up. “Actually, yes – and you’re just in time! Thanks for making it, Scooter. I really need your help with this.”

“Oh sure, anything for you Walter.” More deep breaths, followed by …  _ another wink? _

Seriously, Walter was starting to think that there was something wrong with Scooter’s eye.

When Scooter had finally gotten enough air, he carefully approached the door, as if he was close to stepping on some legos. He was wearing a knitted jumper in black and red stripes, which actually suited him pretty well. That being said, the orange muppet could be wearing literally anything and Walter would catch himself being fascinated by his cute-but-nerdy appearance.

“Sooo….wanna go in?”, Scooter asked.

Walter’s eyes quickly widened, realizing that he had just been staring at Scooter for a solid bit.

_ Right, back to business: Winning over Kermit. _ “Oh yea, sure!”

The shop was small but featured a wonderfully curated variety of plants. Finished bouquets, some houseplants, and an isle full of flowers for one’s own, custom bouquet.

They spent a few minutes quietly walking through the shop when, eventually, Walter randomly pointed at some purple tulips. “What do you think about those?”

Scooter was left startled. “You mean, like, generally?”

“Well, would you like them if someone gifted them to you?”

Scooter’s cheeks reddened ever so slightly. “Oh I see! Uhm, if you asked  _ me _ ...I would quite enjoy the yellow ones!”

“You’re right, Scooter, that’s perfect! Those go wonderfully with the yellow collar.” He asked the shopkeeper to take some of those, not noticing Scooter’s confused frown.

“But in that case, we’d need a lot more green”, Walter mumbled to himself. “Maybe some of those leaves over there?” And so, the shopkeeper added those to the bouquet, eventually packaging it.

“Wait, why would you need more green?” Scooter asked.

Walter chucked. “Duh, because Kermit’s a frog! Why  _ wouldn’t _ he love green?”

“But why would you…” Then, Scooter came to a realization. “You aren’t getting those for Kermit, are you?”

“Of course I am!” Walter cheered, paying the owner and thanking them as he picked up the bouquet.

Scooter sighed. “I’m still confused…why exactly are you getting flowers for Kermit? I thought he  _ wasn’t _ your secret admirer after all.”

Walter then realized the misunderstanding between them. Or did at least partly so. “Oh man, I completely forgot to mention that! Kermit actually  _ is _ my secret admirer. Isn’t that crazy? He said he wants to meet me at his office and I’ve got just the perfect plan. Gift him some flowers, then ask him on a date to  _ La Sirène _ – I’ve seriously wanted to go to that restaurant for ages – and then-“

Scooter became visibly frustrated “And you don’t think that there could be  _ anybody else _ who might be your secret admirer?”

Walter smiled. “Nope, I’m sure of it. Who else do you think those flowers would be for? Look, here’s the card Kermit gave me.”

Scooter examined it begrudgingly as they were leaving the shop. Both remained silent until Walter briefly nudged him on the shoulder.

“What’s up, Scooter? You alright?”

Scooter stopped in his tracks. “No, I … I’m not really doing well right now, Walter. Sorry.” He handed the green envelope back over to Walter, then added, “I hope you’ll enjoy your date with Kermit.”

And suddenly, Scooter went in the other direction, avoiding the direct route towards the studio.

“Scooter, wait!”, Walter yelled, quickly running after him. Yet, at that very moment, he caught a brief glance at his watch with the all-too familiar amphibian face on it.

It was 1:53 pm. If he wanted to make it to that meeting with Kermit in time, he had to hurry up.

***

“I’m so glad you could make it, Walter.”

The frog was sitting in his oversized chair, shoving aside a stack of various documents. When Walter had entered his office just a second ago, Kermit had given him a nod and a warm smile, which at least helped Walter abandon  _ some _ of his worries.

Then again, that particular setup made Kermit appear much taller than he truly was. Walter even struggled to look over the large wooden desk that was clearly separating the two of them.

Nevertheless, Walter replied with a fellow smile, clinging onto the bouquet of flowers behind his back. “Sure, anytime Kermit.”

Silence.

“Now, as you might have guessed, I thought it would be good to talk about the card I accidentally left on your desk today.”

Walter blushed. “Yes, of course, I’d love to talk about-“

_ Wait. _

“…  _ accidentally? _ ”, Walter mumbled to himself.

Kermit kept going, not quite catching the awkward tension that just arose between the two of them.

“You know, I put it there in a hurry before anybody else could arrive at the office. But then, when I gave Fozzie his present and he didn’t even mention the letter, I figured that I must have placed it on the wrong desk.”

Kermit laughed, to which Walter said nothing. The flowers felt unbearably heavy in his hands.

Once again, the frog kept talking. “Actually, Fozzie and I are still waiting to make our relationship official, so I’d greatly appreciate it if you didn’t mention it to the others just yet.” A pause. “Gee, after Piggy and Denise … who could have imagined that person I’ve truly loved has been under my nose this whole time?”

_ Did frogs even have noses, though?  _ Walter thought to himself, attempting to distract his mind from what was just going on.

“But anyhow, I’m sure you’ve already figured out that misunderstanding.” Kermit continued. “Still, I deeply apologize for the inconvenience, Walter.”

Walter let out a fake chuckle to ease some of the tension. Or was his chest  _ truly _ trembling because he was about to cry? “Oh, yeah … don’t worry, I  _ totally _ get that. I mean you and me, we would never … you know ...”

“Yes, exactly! Thank you Walter, I knew you’d understand.”

Yet another pause.

“How was your Valentine’s day, by the way?”, Kermit asked.

“Splendid.” Walter’s eyes were starting to tear up. “Just splendid.”

He had to leave, as soon as possible. Otherwise he was going to become a crying mess anytime soon. “Anyway, thank you for the meeting Kermit – but I’ve really got to go now. You know, work … and everything. Oh, and congrats to you and Fozzie.”

Once more, Kermit replied with an unknowing smile “Of course! Have a good one, Walter.”

When the frog took a closer look at the documents in front of him, Walter seized the opportunity to swiftly leave the office and successfully hide the flowers on his way out. Once the door closed behind him, he examined the now messy bouquet.

Several leaves had fallen off on his way to the office – and Walter’s tight grasp during his conversation with Kermit certainly hadn’t helped either. What had once been a beautiful gift was nothing but a tragic joke now.

How could he have been so naïve to assume that his teenage crush would actually like him back? Sure, he had gotten Kermit’s letter, but every other sign had always pointed  _ against  _ Kermit having any romantic feelings for him. Walter hadn’t dared to ask about the first letter and the chocolate, but one could only assume that those were meant for Fozzie as well.

But it was  _ fine _ . He would bawl his heart out in the bathroom, then get drowned in office work and pretend that none of this ever happened. And once he saw Scooter at the office, they could talk out that misunderstanding of their own. 

To think that he had actually abandoned his best friend, simply for a celebrity crush that he could project his romantic desires on … IN the end, what he had done  _ didn’t _ feel like the safe choice. It felt like a lie.

And yet, as Walter headed towards the bathroom close to his desk, his eyes were met with ...

_ … A pink envelope. In particular, one labelled: With Love, Your Secret Admirer. _

This must clearly be some sick joke, then. Pepe, Rizzo,  _ somebody _ must have placed that first letter there on purpose just to mess with Walter. If anything, this conversation with Kermit proved that nobody would ever-

“ _ Love is a friend of mine _

_ But then love is so many things _

_ Hearts, flowers, wedding rings _

_ Love is a Valentine _

__

_ Walter, please meet me at La Sirène, 6pm _ ”

***

The restaurant was already overrun when Walter got there.  _ La Sirène _ had always been the kind of place people would gladly make a reservation for months in advance. In addition, the fact that it was a rather small establishment akin to a French bistro only further reduced the number of available tables. His secret admirer surely had powerful connections, because Walter simply couldn’t imagine a laid-back evening at that restaurant, even the day after Valentine’s Day.

That sentiment, of course, implied that this really wasn’t some sort of elaborate scheme after all. And yet, when Walter entered the place in his light blue suit and stated his name, the waiter nodded and proceeded to lead Walter towards his table. Was this really happening, then? On his way there, Walter lowered his glance to look at the menus that were being served that night, wondering whether that weird feeling in his stomach could be traced back to hunger or sheer nervousness.

The flowers in his left hand felt heavy like bricks as he attempted to tightly hold onto them. They already looked like a mess anyway, so how he was carrying them towards the table no longer made much of a difference.

As they proceeded to reach a certain corner of the restaurant, Walter overheard the faint whisper of a known melody.

_ Love is a friend of mine _

_ But then love is so many things _

_ Hearts, flowers, wedding rings- _

That was it. A song from the Muppets Valentine Show – the one whose lyrics had been on his most recent card! Being the whistler he was, Walter decided to join in, reminiscing about the unsung lines in his head.

_ Love is a Valentine _

The two whistles harmonized and once the tune ceased, Walter finally decided to look up. Romantic candles had been set up at the centre of the table, along with red napkins and two (certainly overpriced) glasses of champagne.

… And on one of the chairs was Scooter, dressed in a silky black shirt and red pants.

Walter’s jaw dropped. “Scooter,  _ you _ wrote those Valentine’s cards?”

Before the other Muppet could say anything, someone at another table decided to interrupt them.

_ “And I thought that reveal was obvious since the beginning of the story.” _

_ “Well, that’s how you know it was a boring fanfiction: Not even the main character was paying attention!”  _ another voice chimed in as they proceeded with their loud, mocking laughter.

Were those Statler and- … nevermind, Walter had more important matters to deal with.

Ignoring the older couple, Scooter offered Walter a kind smile. “Why don’t you sit down?”

Walter frantically nodded, swiftly taking a seat and waiting for what Scooter had to say.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, Walter.” Scooter stated. “I’ve been trying to take that first step for months now, but it’s always been … scary. So I thought sending you that card and hoping that you would just  _ get it _ would make things a lot easier. In the end, it just made things even more complicated … Please forgive me.”

“No, you don’t need to apologize!” Walter insisted. “I should have been paying closer attention to you instead of making it all about me and that teenage crush on Kermit.” A pause. “I’m sorry.”

Scooter’s eyes widened. “You’re choosing me over Kermit, then?”

Walter cheered up. “Of course! You know, when I was younger, I thought being with Kermit would be the best thing that could ever happen to me. And yet, when I actually talked to him in his office, it didn’t at all feel like how I would have imagined being with Kermit as a kid.”

He then took a deep breath. “But when we presented that pitch together, when we talked about your beginnings with the Muppets … that actually felt real. It made me want to spend more time with you, and celebrate the next Valentine’s Day together. I haven’t really acted on a crush – not to mention going on dates with anybody – before. So when I received that card, projecting my feelings on this idea of Kermit just felt like the more familiar choice.”

Finally, he added. “Also, that note by Kermit was actually meant for Fozzie. But you didn’t hear that from me.”

“Well, good for them.” Scooter laughed. “So we can agree that we’re both idiots, then?”

“Absolutely.” Walter replied, then joined in with the laughter.

Suddenly, Scooter directed his glance towards the bouquet in Walter’s left hand, which he had entirely forgotten about at this point.

“Don’t worry, I’ll get you some new ones!” Walter quickly replied. “After all, you put in all that effort to give me this amazing chocolate … so you deserve better than these messy flowers.”

Scooter, however, held onto them, effectively embracing Walter’s hand. “No, please don’t change a single thing about them.” Their eyes met. “I think they’re beautiful.”

And with that, Walter’s cheeks turned from yellow to bright red. The flower stems, Scooter’s hand intertwined with his own … it felt just perfect.

As they continued to dine, Walter would ultimately discover that Scooter had indeed let his connections play to get a table for them – by hinting that Miss Piggy  _ might _ be paying a visit sometime if she heard good things about the restaurant. The fact that Miss Piggy didn’t even care to remember Scooter’s name, much more pay any attention to his dining recommendations, didn’t truly matter at this point.

Either way, the date was wonderful. So wonderful in fact, that Walter forgot to check his watch until late at night, when they were already sitting on Walter’s bed – cuddling and humming along with the music of the Muppets Valentine Show.

***

_ Love is so many things _

_ Light as an angel’s wings _

_ Gentle as the morning light _

_ Long as a winter’s night _

__

_ I think that love is fine _

_ It’s as fresh as a day in spring _

_ Love is to do your thing _

_ Love is a valentine _

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed this one! Feedback, especially in terms of characterization and grammar errors, is very much appreciated. 
> 
> You can go watch the Muppets Valentine Show here: 
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sglin_5oClM&ab_channel=MattAndrews


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